Then youre being too bossy, and suddenly the very qualities you thought were necessary for success end up holding you back. We need to keep changing a culture that shines a particularly unforgiving light on women and girls of color. Michelle has often spoken about this. Even after achieving success in her own right, she still held doubts; she had to worry about whether she looked the right way or was acting the right way—whether she was being too assertive or too angry. As a parent, helping your kids to rise above these constraints is a constant learning process. Michelle and I have raised our daughters to speak up when they see a double standard or feel unfairly judged based on their gender or race—or when they notice that happening to someone else.
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Its easy to absorb all kinds of messages from society about masculinity and come to believe that theres a homework right way and a wrong way to be a man. But as I got older, i realized that my ideas about being a tough guy or cool guy just werent. They were a manifestation of my youth and insecurity. Life became a lot easier when I simply started being myself. So we need to break through these limitations. We need to keep changing the attitude that raises our girls to be demure and our boys to be assertive, that criticizes our daughters for speaking out and our sons for shedding a tear. We need to keep changing the attitude that punishes women for their sexuality and rewards men for theirs. We need to keep changing the attitude that permits the routine harassment of women, whether theyre walking down the street or daring to go online. We need to keep changing the attitude that teaches men to feel threatened by the presence and success of women. We need to keep changing the attitude that congratulates men for changing a diaper, stigmatizes full-time dads, and penalizes working mothers. We need to keep changing the attitude that values being confident, competitive, and ambitious in the workplace—unless youre a woman.
I can look back now and see that, while i helped out, it was usually on my schedule and on my terms. The burden disproportionately and unfairly fell on Michelle. So id like to think that ive been pretty aware of the unique challenges women face—its what has shaped my own feminism. But i also have to admit that when youre the father of two daughters, you become even more aware of how gender stereotypes pervade our society. You see the subtle and not-so-subtle social cues transmitted through culture. You feel the enormous pressure girls are under to look and behave and even think a certain way. And those same stereotypes affected my own consciousness as a young man. Growing up without a dad, i spent a lot of time trying to figure out who i was, taxi how the world perceived me, and what kind of man I wanted.
In fact, gender stereotypes affect all of us, regardless of our gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation. Now, the most important people in my life have always been women. I was raised by a single mom, who spent much of her career working to empower women restaurant in developing countries. I watched as my grandmother, who helped raise me, worked her way up at a bank only to hit a glass ceiling. Ive seen how Michelle has balanced the demands of a busy career and raising a family. Like many working mothers, she worried about the expectations and judgments assignments of how she should handle the trade-offs, knowing that few people would question my choices. And the reality was that when our girls were young, i was often away from home serving in the state legislature, while also juggling my teaching responsibilities as a law professor.
In fact, the most important change may be the toughest of all—and thats changing ourselves. Photo: Official White house Photos by pete souza. The perk of a "45-Second Commute". The President has spent "a lot more time" watching Sasha and Malia (here, meeting Mac the turkey in 2014) grow into women. This is something I spoke about at length in June at the first-ever White house summit on the United State of Women. As far as weve come, all too often we are still boxed in by stereotypes about how men and women should behave. One of my heroines is Congresswoman Shirley chisholm, who was the first African American to run for a major partys presidential nomination. She once said, The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, Its a girl. . we know that these stereotypes affect how girls see themselves starting at a very young age, making them feel that if they dont look or act a certain way, they are somehow less worthy.
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But for the past seven and a half years, that commute has been reduced to 45 seconds—the time it takes to walk from my living room to the oval Office. As a result, ive been able to spend a lot more time watching my daughters grow up into smart, funny, kind, wonderful young women. That isnt always easy, either—watching them prepare to leave the nest. But one thing that makes me optimistic for them is that this is an extraordinary time to be a woman. The progress weve made in the past 100 years, 50 years, and, yes, even the past eight years has made life significantly better for my daughters than it was for my grandmothers. And I say that not just as President but also as a feminist. In my lifetime weve gone from a job market that basically confined women to a handful of often poorly paid positions to a moment when women not only make up roughly half the workforce but are leading in every sector, from sports to space, from.
Ive witnessed how women have won the freedom to make your own choices about how youll live your lives—about your bodies, returning your educations, your careers, your finances. Gone are the days when you needed a husband to get a credit card. In fact, more women than ever, married or single, are financially independent. So we shouldnt downplay how far weve come. That would do a disservice to all those who spent their lives fighting for justice. At the same time, theres still a lot of work we need to do to improve the prospects of women and girls here and around the world. And while Ill keep working on good policies—from equal pay for equal work to protecting reproductive rights—there are some changes that have nothing to do with passing new laws.
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But there are some perks too. Meeting extraordinary people across the country. Holding an office where you get to make a difference in the life of our nation. But perhaps the greatest unexpected gift of this job has been living above the store. For many years my life was consumed by long commutes—from my home in Chicago to Springfield, Illinois, as a state senator, and then to washington,. C., as a united States senator. Its often meant I had to work even harder to be the kind of husband and father I want.
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